Quick! Snap a picture!

Because I totally get now how the second child gets the shaft, i.e. fewer photos, fewer moments caught on tape (digital, that is) and the list goes on.  I get it now!  Between keeping up with the activities of the older one as well as the eating habits and nap/sleep schedules of the younger one, there is no time.  And yet, I find myself craving baby.

My husband would say I’m a mad woman.  Because apparently I don’t remember the effects of natural childbirth plus a 9 lb. baby and good long labor.  Oh, I do- mommy brain hasn’t blocked out that completely I promise.  It was extreme.  Not wanting to mince words, I would equate it to being sawed in half without being able to do anything except focus on the pain.  And the beautiful baby!  It was worth it all the while.  I wish over and over again that I had a doula and practiced hypno-birthing but alas I did not.  I was busy or something….  But that’s not to say in the next 2 years or so I’d wouldn’t want another to add to the brood.

Back to the second child- ironically, the baby is gaining all her tiny, cute, drool-inducing teeth as my firstborn is losing his baby teeth.  The tooth fairy is making him a rich kid.  He didn’t know what to say when I shared that my own baby teeth only earned myself a quarter or two and maybe a full crisp $1 bill for a molar.  Um…inflation?  I realized I wasn’t recording these milestones in a baby album, or with my camera, or even super-detailed online.  But it’s okay.  They are growing up and I get to enjoy it, and they know I’m with them.  Isn’t that worth more than a snapped picture?

Having many busy-at-work days after the holidays and then finally (suddenly?) earning some snow days away from work have left me still trying to focus on my goals (nay resolutions) for the year.  We’re already two months in!

Once long ago I used to live for my friends and now I live for my family.  I think about that very much and take it deeply to heart.  If they say jump, I jump.  If they say hells-no you can’t sleep in until 7am, I go to to bed early.  If they say we love homemade mac-n-cheese the way you make it, I vow to never make the orange stuff from the box again.  And I love it.

I still don’t know when I got over griping about chores not being shared and done around the house- or my biggest peeve- the dishes not being done after each meal.  I let all the pissed-off-ness go.  I want a clean house for my family, I want clean laundry to choose from; I’ve realized they are happy regardless if these things bother me when not done.  I just got over it.

I grew up.  Somehow it took me 30 years.

I got over the nit picking friend drama. I got over bitching about things not being fair. I aligned my priorities.  It just happens that I’d rather go watch some 1st graders kick a soccer ball around than go hang/lounge at someone’s house.  And I love it.  It wasn’t overnight.  It took focusing on prayers and paying more attention at church.  It took a few conversations (meetings actually) with a therapist and never relying  again on alcohol or venting/bitching about it all or any meds.  I stopped being an insomniac (that was the hardest and took a list of rules to adhere to which is both good and bad mixed with some OCD).  It’s all on the inside.

If you can take a moment and go meditate or go talk to a positive person, I find it helps.  We can’t all be everything to everyone no matter how bad we want.  But we can be the best parts of ourselves and set a good example, most days at least.  Attempt to spread some good vibes is all I’m saying.

I’m one of those listy-list-maker people.

So, I created a list of awards/prizes/bribes? for my kid’s good and bad marks received each week in a little spreadsheet report we get from the teacher.

Bribes have such a negative connotation. But is tv time worse than a foodie treat? My list of prizes includes a DQ icecream trip, fast-food lunch brought to school (and shared), as well as a fancy cupcake from this boutique-ish bakery downtown. To even out the non-healthy parts, I added movie time, some Wii time, and/or some DS time as well. Is that horrible?! I go back and forth on yes and no.

But all of the things on the list aren’t normal treats we have, and they are things he would not be privy to if he were receiving bad marks from school.

And also, I’m pretty much just kind of winging it. (aren’t we all?). He doesn’t demand any of these things, and it would be a treat for me as well. Maybe I could make it also count towards one of those only me-and-you quality time outings that seem to be rare but just as super duper important. Le sigh.

It can’t be worse than all the fundraising packets with get with all the cool neat prizes based on dollar amounts, numbers sold, or pounds reserved….or is it? No. I’ll just ride out this experiment and see how it goes.